The Roberson Family Web Log

A Warm October

2008-10-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

By Bill

Hello everyone!

Well, we had a great summer here in Portland, and its been especially memorable for Savannah and myself as we have watched young Liam transition from a wobbly baby to a chattering, curious, sweet and always-in-motion little boy (including while sleeping).

Sure, he's still wearing diapers (we're working on that), and he's only a little bit taller than he was in the spring, but the changes have been constant and drastic.

It was a great summer with good weather and lots to do. Caleb came up from Texas for a too-short visit and should be driving by now. Savannah got a very nasty staph infection in her foot that left her bedridden so that was a challenge for us all. She has since healed up with the help of some $2,000 antibiotics ($100 per pill!!).

I've been shooting photos and video all summer and into the fall, and in the past few days, the weather has been just terrific. We have been taking Liam to the park nearby for some hours of playtime.

Here are some very recent photos with descriptions underneath. I promise more will be coming after Halloween. Thanks for reading, and as always, click on the photos for a larger version!

Love,

Bill, Savannah, Liam, Caleb and Ella the dog.

This is what Liam looks like today, this photo was taken just days ago. But still - the changes keep coming. See those shoes? They're history, too small now.

Liam runs ahead of daddy to go play on the carousel. He is always running, figuring how to go fast.

There's lots to see and do at the park. Here, Liam is entranced by a juggler who regularly practices near the tennis courts.

What kid doesn't love the teeter-totter? Liam is no exception.

Liam is super-active. He loves to walk and run. Keep on truckin', son....

Savannah needed a picture for her blog (she used a slightly different one) showing adults "rediscovering" their inner child. Not a problem for me since mine never got lost. Liam won't remember this moment in the future, so I broke out my electric trains that I got when I was 5 and set up this shot (Savannah pulled the trigger). He'll be getting these trains in a few years.

Here's a shot from mid-summer at a city children's fair. A bright sunny day where we had some fun.

Same day at the fun fair. Liam makes friends easily.

Liam is a cute kid, but not all babies are cute. Most are, like his buddy Asher.

Remember the 70s movie "Tommy" by the Who? Well, here's our little Tommy with his headphones on and pacifier in. Truth be told, Liam never did take a pacifier as a baby and only does now on rare occasion. As for the "headphones," they're actually shooting earmuffs that cut sound. He found them one day and loves to wear them. Couldn't resist the photo.

Liam still loves his peas - and broccoli. He definitely got Savannah's taste in food. Broccoli? Ick.

Liam's pal Ella persists in her eternal hunt for squirrels. So far, the score stands at: Squirrels: 3,729, Ella 0.

Fall has arrived here in Oregon, snow is starting to fall on Mt. Hood, which is over 11,000 feet tall. Ski season is almost here! This view is from close to our home.

We're having a great time watching the little guy grow up. Thanks for reading. See you again soon.

Happy Sweet 16 Caleb!

2008-07-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

Caleb turns 16 today! We had such a great time with him this summer and are so proud of the man he is becoming.

Brother Caleb is here!

2008-06-20T15:40:00.001-07:00

We are all excited to have brother Caleb with us for the month of June. He returns home before his birthday (16th) to do important stuff like get his driver's license and run the streets with his friends. Until then, we are loving every minute with him as we explore the Oregon coast, visit the Aquarium, go see movies and soak in the occasional Portland sunny day at the park.

One year ago, Today

2008-03-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

By Bill

Has it really been a year?

A year since Savannah was almost delerious with pain, sleep deprivation and exhaustion? A year since I passed a newborn Liam to his mother's arms at 2:14 a.m. on a Wednesday morning? A year since I watched a nurse put on his first diaper, weigh him in at 7 pounds 6 ounces, and measure him at 19.5 inches? A year since he slept all the way home from the hospital wrapped in a tiny blanket and nearly swallowed up by his car seat?

It indeed has been a year since that clear, cool first day of Spring, 2007. A year of watching Liam, whom we affectionately call The Little Guy, go from a nearly motionless, fragile, spindly newborn to a dynamic child who can really no longer be called a baby.

He is a child who likes to wrestle while laughing uncontrollably, a child who likes to walk - yes, walk - around the house while brushing his five little teeth, and sometimes the dog's teeth. A child that carefully feeds himself a seemingly endless mountain of peas one by one by one with hilarious precision.

A child that has captured our hearts as he rolls around in bed at night while asleep, always making sure he is touching mom or dad with a hand, foot or his head.

What a year it has been. A year of first smiles, first laughs, first steps, first teeth, first solid foods, first colds, first shoes and first rides on the merry-go-round at the park.

Even today, on his birthday, he literally took more steps away from babyhood. In the morning, mom said he got off the bed (which he has been able to do for months) and walked out of the bedroom instead of crawling. Given a baby xylophone by his Nana and Pa Roberson, he immediately picked up the little wooden mallet and hammered out a tune. At the local burger joint, he seemed genuinely slighted that he was not offered ketchup for his small alotment of birthday french fires. And when given ketchup, he delicately dipped a fry in the red sauce, took a taste, and dipped it in again.

It's been a great year, full of learning by both Liam and his parents. I could go on for pages, but mostly I want to say thank you to his family, both those in Oregon and in Texas - and California, too. Thanks for all the support, advice, babysitting time, patience and most of all, love.

Liam, and you, mean the world to us.

Happy Birthday, my son. And many, many, many more.

Love, Daddy

and now....

I wanna be like my BIG brother!

2008-03-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

In the tub the other day, Liam fashioned himself a mohawk and demanded loud punk rock music. We are wondering where he gets it?

Lunch Mouth

2008-03-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

I think Liam's Nana, Mary Alice, coined the phrase. We were talking about how much he loves to eat and she said, "He is such a little lunch mouth!"

So true!

Liam loves food of all kinds and now that he is able to feed himself pretty much everything, he eats what we eat. We are committed to an organic, health-focused diet. Some of his favorites are peas, carrots, rutabagas, potatoes, any type of bean, meat (like ground beef or turkey), and pizza.

Yep, pizza. Well, he had his first slice (or should I say slices) of plain cheese pizza the other day and snarfled it with relish. He also slept through the night so seems like it stuck to his ribs mighty fine! I was very hesitant to introduce wheat and dairy with my family history of food allergies, but it seems that he got Bill's constitution and can eat it all!

Little lunch mouth is also talking more and more. Last night he started saying "Issy" when he gives kisses. He has said mini sentences like, "No more," or "Hi Papa (Mama) (Ella)." He says "Up," "Down," and barks when you ask him what doggies say. Everyday is a new adventure in fun with this little guy or TLG (the little guy) as we sometimes call him.

Thanks for keeping up with us and we look forward to his first birthday in only three weeks!

A Swing In Winter

2008-02-17T19:05:00.000-08:00

The other day, Savannah said my mom took Liam to a park near our house, put him the kiddie swing and away he went, swinging like a crazy man.

I'm pretty sure he's not going to be a shy kid. He is always in motion, even while alseep sometimes. He's a pretty good dancer now, and he can't even walk yet, although he will very soon.

So we shot some video of Liam in the swing at a park near our place, and he seemed a little unsure of it at first, but pretty soon he was having a ball, despite the cold February air.

Savannah took Liam to the park again today. It was very nice today, mild for February, sunny and about 50 degrees.

Liam was back on the swings again, and Savannah snapped this photo of him with her cell phone.

Hope everyone is well!

Bill, Savannah and Liam (and Ella the dog)

The First First Step

2008-01-26T18:47:00.000-08:00

Well, today it hapened. Liam took his first step.

Momma Savannah says that Liam was near the bedroom door and after she went through, he shut it (he likes to play with doors of all kinds now). Then, while standing up, he opened it, took two hestitant steps to Savannah, and called it a day for walking. I could not get him to repeat the performance.

I am sure many more baby steps will be coming soon, but there is only one first step. I was at work at the time, toiling on an editing project miles away. I am sorry to have missed the first steps, but thems the breaks.

I was lucky enough to be present for his first crawl on October 5 ,2007, and even more furtunate to capture the moment on video (I always carry a camera of some sort).

Liam has been close to walking for weeks. He does a lot of "cruising," which is standing up and scootching from object to object (or object to person/dog). All this is by the numbers for baby development (admittedly the walking thing is a bit early), but it is still pretty wonderous to see it happen to your kid. And, he likes to dance. It started as just a bounce but now he's added a side-to-side move that is pretty cute. I have the video camera at the ready.

Not so wonderous is Liam's health.

Yesterday he was sporting a temp of 104.1, so we took him to a clinic and the doctor said he has a bit of pheumonia, so he is on a course of antibiotics now and seems to be much better. Poor little guy, he was really out of it Friday, like a rag doll, all glassy-eyed and lethargic. He's pretty much back to his rambunctious self now, grabbing at everything, playing with toys and torturing Ella the dog. A little grumpy, maybe, but lots better all the same.

So I missed the First First Step. Soon there will be the First Step That Daddy Sees (and records), followed by the first walk to the park, the first run, the first tumble, the first swing on the park swing set, the first teeter-totter ride, the first bicycle, the first game of Little League, soccer or what ever sport he seems to take to.

So many firsts to go.

Editors note: Sorry for the long time between posts, but it's hectic as I'm sure you know, and we only like to post when there's something worth posting about. We know your time is valuable, too.

Chatterbox

2007-11-21T20:34:00.000-08:00

by Savannah

At eight months old (today!), Liam is a talker! He chats while he plays, he sings while he eats and he babbles at us in long baby language sentences. We know where he gets it...

Flashback: My Grandmother "T" and my mother Jan in a full kitchen, their voices harmonizing in a stream of busy chatter. My Grandfather Max laughs from his brown leather chair in the adjacent room, "You gals could talk the stripes off a tiger!"

I am a sometimes talker. When I am stressed, excited or have something to share, I can keep up with the best of them. Other times, I am happy to observe or listen. Caleb was quite plithy as a youngster, but these days, he is a more reticient teenager.

At five months old, Liam was laying on the changing table, looking up at his Papa. "Baby," he sputtered. "What did you say, Bop?" Again, "Baby". He performed his miracle for me a few days later in the car. Some unknown, to me, musician was crooning on the radio, "Baby,oh, baby, baby..." And from the backseat I hear a little response, "Baby."

Next came the standard "Ma, ma, ma, ma" and "Da da da". Then, "Hi!" And once, "Hi mama!"

Lately his favorite word is "Errah" (Ella). In the morning, he stands on the bed, peering over the guardrail and calls in his loudest voice: "Errah". She stumbles into the room (after sleeping for sixteen hours) and he laughs at his powers.

Some people spend the first year of a baby's life waiting for them to talk and the next seventeen hoping they will be quiet. We look forward to all eighteen years of his childhood chatter! (uhm, someone remind me I said this when the four-year-old "why?" shows up!)

The World According to Liam

2007-11-04T11:18:00.000-08:00

by Savannah

Everything is changing fast with the little guy these days.

Just a couple of months ago, he was a little immobile baby, satisfied to bat at a hanging toy or mouth a wooden rattle. Now, suddenly it seems, he is crawling (and fast!), pulling up to standing, grinning with sharp little teeth in his mouth!

His perspective of the world seems so different. Every piece of furniture is an obstacle to be considered, tested and then climbed.

Food is fascinating and he begs for the most improbable things from my plate (like a hamburger). Watching him explore with innocent curiosity the light through a drape or the space beneath the chair can be a true teaching on mindfulness.

His favorite obstacle to explore is Ella, the dog. He digs his little hands into her fur and drags himself up over her body. She is tender. She bats her lashes at him and considers any attention to be good attention (especially now that she is “down a peg”).

And her rawhide dog bones? Well, Liam thinks they are great teething toys… Yuck!

Liam also got to see a bit more of the world a few weeks ago on a big trip to Florida and Texas. We stayed in the beach town of Destin in a beach condo for several days with my parents and brother and sister-in-law. The sand and salt were no fun for Liam, but he soaked up some love from his family (more Florida pix are below).

Back in Texas, he got to spend time with his big brother Caleb. At first, he shocked by Caleb’s blue Mohawk! He cried and pulled away when he saw his brother’s head.

But in no time, he was back in Caleb’s arms. He also met more of my family, including our beloved Memom, matriarch of the Mayfield clan.

What a joyful experience it is to see the world through the purity of his eyes: his radiant smile at the sight of Grandpa Johnny’s face; his surprise at the sweetness of a fresh peach; his chubby hand signing for “milk” as he nurses himself to sleep.

So far, in the world according to Mr. Liam, all is good.

More photos!!

Happy Halloween!

Summertime and Nicknames

2007-09-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

What's the date? September 12th? Where does the time go? I know where: into hours of playing with our bouncing baby boy, Liam. Also known as Bup, Nox, The Little Vampire, and of course, The Little Guy. Or to be more precise, "thelittleguy," said fast, as in, "what's thelittleguy doing now, Savannah?"

How do nicknames like "Bup" start? Who knows. It just seems like he bups along, happy and laughing.

Nox we don't use much, but I called him that after he was born on the Spring Equi(nox). Little Vampire? He gets that at 1 a.m. from sleepless mom after he plays for two solid hours in the middle of the night. In the dark. By himself. His teeth are coming in, we are checking for fangs.

As for "thelittleguy," that's no mystery, he's a little guy. But we say it so often it sort of runs together into a name of its own.

Soon enough, though, he'll be Little Houdini, Chatterbox or some such, as the crawling and talking phases are coming on strong.

It's been a great summer. Savvy and I have both been working very hard, but we did take some breaks, including an overnight stay near Government Camp in a cozy creekside cabin and numerous walks to parks around Portland. We did a longer hike up to Mirror Lake and even got lost - for about 15 minutes.

We hope you have had a good summer as well. Here are the latest photos! Just click to see them super-sized or to print one up.

This image was on Liam's baptism announcement. The "big dip" went well. We have no photos of the event, just video (shot by Angela), and, uh, even we have not seen it yet. But I will post it to YouTube this weekend.

Guess who's turning 3? Ella is a great dog - the best. Liam pulls out handfulls of her hair, pokes her in the eye and yanks on her tail. She doesn't move a muscle in anger. He favorite spot during the day is anywhere close to Liam. Here she is relaxing in the car after our Mirror Lake hike. That's a happy dog.

Liam sits up now. We have to get him there, and he still topples over, but less each day. Here he is exploring the field at Rose City Park.

That boy has a way with the girls - already! While playing in the park, a gaggle of kids from a birthday party happened by. This girl, Ariel, was instantly smitten. She just had to hold him.

It's a Liam attack! Actually, this behavior is called "birding" or "flying," and is a prelude to crawling, except all the landing gear is up. It's still pretty funny to see.

Liam cried for his first home bath (captured on video). I think that was the last time, though (for the crying, not the bathing). This kid loves to get in the tub with mom or dad and kick, splash and laugh.

Uh oh, you know what's coming when all the gear is down. At this point he's frozen in place. Not for long, I'm sure.

This one of my favorite photos so far. He looks ready to pounce!

This was taken during the sequence I shot for his baptism card. It was not what I had in mind for the card (the one I used was), but this was an unexpected treasure from that photo session, which took 5 minutes at most. Be sure to take lots of photos of your kids. It's important.

Here's our little hiker on the trail in Mt. Hood wilderness in August, actually on the Pacific Crest Trail, which stretches from Canada to Mexico. We took a lunch break and during that time a guy came by who was doing the whole trail. Nice guy, too. He was 62 and had been on the trail since April. Now that's impressive.

Back at the park, sittin' in the grass. Man, these summer days go by so fast.

Here we are at Mirror Lake near Mt. Hood. Liam is getting some hands-on with the local timber. Gotta have a hat or the sun at that altitude (4,000 feet) with burn baby skin in just a few minutes.

Our friends have a house with a big pool and threw a swell party. Liam loves the water. Swim lessons will come early.

Back out on the Pacific Crest Trail with Savvy and Ella. Savannah and Liam are traveling to Texas and Florida soon to visit Savannah's family and take a much needed vacation. Bill will be stuck all alone at home to work and be lonely. Gotta go, I think the beer truck just pulled up....

See you again soon!

Say Cheese

2007-07-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well, faithful blog readers, thanks for checking back in. We have been remiss about updates this summer as we are so busy as expected, but I wanted to take this time to post a bunch of photos. Not much to report - summer is here, Liam is growing and growing and becoming more of a little person each day. His blonde hair is growing in, he babbles like crazy and loves to giggle and laugh. He is healthy and we are thankful for that most of all. We hope you are well and enjoying summer. Onto the photos! (Captions are under each photo. Click on the photo to see it larger or for printing.)

This photo of Liam and very big brother Caleb is indicative of their bond - right from the start. While Caleb was here and not in the same room as Liam, Liam would look and look and look for him. Brothers indeed. Photo by Savannah.

Hmmm... I wonder if we're related? Photo by Caleb.

We had a super fun weekend in Astoria with our friends Angela and Pete. Angela is our dearest friend and was a great support during Liam's birth. She makes the world more beautiful with plant design and feng shui. Pete is a new-found friend we are thrilled to know. He is a talented musician, plant person, general instigator of chaos, and maker of miracle 40-foot baskets while playing HORSE. Photo by Bill.

Liam in fine orange hat form while in Astoria. On July 21, he was four months old. Photo by Bill.

Too low on the hat, dad! Too low!!

Most teen boys want to keep their mom at a distance as the transistion to being a man gets rolling. Not Caleb. His great love for Savannah and his communication skills are quite amazing. It was a great day at the beach. Photo by Bill.

Not much to say here from me. Choose your own 1,000 words. Photo by Bill.

Mr. Caleb has taken an interest in photography and has quite an eye. I only gave him a few pointers, and I was elated to see him take most of his photos in Black and White, and take good ones as well. The mark of an emerging master! Photo by Caleb.

Our sweet Savannah as photographed by her son, Caleb.

Aye, there be some fine eyelashes, just like daddy has. I'll teach you to use those later, my boy..... Photo by Bill

Ah, the favorite spot for Liam. Baby packs are great (thanks, Native Americans!). He's outgrown this one and is into a bigger one now. Photo by Bill.

Steps to get Liam to sleep: 1) Insert Liam into pack. 2) Begin walking.

A fine color photo by Caleb of Doc and Mary Alice's constant companion, Uncle Joey.

Caleb walks the beach with the Astoria Bridge in the background. Photo by Bill.

"Buy 500 shares of Google, cancel my meeting with Bono and warm up that bottle, pronto!" Photo by Savannah.

A little peck for my little guy. Photo by Caleb.

We'll post more photos soon! Love,

Bill, Savannah, Liam and Ella the dog...

Happy Birthday Caleb!

2007-07-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

15 years ago today, I became a mother.

Caleb came into the world with intensity and fierce will. He was a “fussy” baby. There were many long hours that we sat together in the night, rocking and rocking. Later that intensity turned into a very inquisitive and precocious toddler. He was talking in full sentences at age two and his favorite phrase was, “Yes, I know, but WHY?”

As a young boy, he was all physical energy and willful strength. Out in the yard swinging a stick at the tree or rolling around on the floor, playing with anything and everything, he was just plain fun to watch.

Caleb taught me my current parenting style by pure survival. I learned that children develop into independent humans with a sense of personal responsibility when you meet their needs foremost and invite their participation. And with Caleb, I found I could never win by coercion, but we could win together through connection.

I have for years called Caleb my “cling-on”. He is a nurturing, affectionate guy with lots of love to share. Particularly with his Mama; how blessed I am!

He is now a compassionate, creative and communicative young man. I am so proud of his kindness and maturity as a human being. I think one of the greatest things a parent can feel is that their kid is someone they actually are honored to know.

I am better person because he came along.

Thank you Caleb for being my boy, for teaching me about being a mother and for making the world brighter.

Two Months Young

2007-05-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Remember, to see a larger version of a photo, click on it!
___________________________

Liam was born two months ago today. Sixty days. What a short time for a life. I can hear a radio announcer’s voice saying:
“Try our product for sixty days and if not satisfied, return for a full refund.”

I think we will keep him.

He had some exciting firsts this weekend:
He met his “due date” buddy Kiran (they were due the exact same day) and had a play date with him on Mama Breana’s couch. Liam was feeling quite the pirate that day.

His first ride on a max train went really well. He snuggled up in my babyhawk carrier and enjoyed the motion of the train while being close to my body (so much nicer than a car seat).

He met his Grandpa Johnny from Texas for the first time. We all had brunch in a restaurant with nice tablecloths and wine glasses and he didn’t even howl. He fell asleep peacefully in his Papa’s arms without a whimper.

And he slept for five hours in a row one night! I woke up after four hours in a panic wondering if he was still breathing (he was right beside me in bed). I had not had more than two hours sleep in a row for over two months.

I feel like a different woman, more alive, more human, with more brain cells.

All in all, the past two months have been exhausting and wonderful.

Here are more recent photos of Liam!

A Mother’s Heart

2007-05-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

By Savannah

I am the mother of two boys.

I never thought I would say that.

When I found out that Liam was a boy (at around 20 weeks pregnant), I felt excited, surprised and nervous.

I already have a boy. Caleb will be fifteen (really? REALLY???) in July. We have gone through a lot together and I almost feel like I grew up right along with him. As a mom at 21, I had a lot to learn and he taught me well. I sometimes worry about all the mistakes I made. When he found out about Liam he said, “You get a second chance.”

He and I both knew exactly what he meant.

Before Liam was born, I couldn’t imagine loving another son as much as Caleb. There is something so unique about him. I know every mother says that about her child, but everywhere we went, folks said, “who is that kid?” I was known around Austin as “that cool kid Caleb’s mom.”

I remember vividly the first minute I met him, tiny fist stuffed in his mouth.

I can still feel his the weight and trust of his body in my arms, the smell of his newborn head and milky breath.

I can hear his sweet toddler voice and the funny and wise things he said. As a young boy, his clarity and connection to his own emotions was startling. He saw right through any bull and spoke up. He used vocabulary words that would put a college student to shame. He expressed himself minute by minute with such focus.

And now as a teenager, he is startling in his sense of self. I have no idea what the future holds for him, but have always trusted that he would make a difference in the world.

And now there is Liam. We are just getting to know each other but already he reminds me so much of his bigger brother (the loud wail, the direct eye contact so early, the “I know what I want and I want it now” voice) and yet he is uniquely himself with aspects I can not yet imagine.

And these two boys have yet to meet.

Caleb is in Texas with his Dad and Step-Mom, He is struggling through the usual challenges of maturing. Sometimes when I talk to him, I remind myself what it felt like to be a freshman in High School. I hated everything and almost everyone. That he will even speak to me regularly is in itself a miracle.

He will be here in June for his summer visit.

I have this sense that my heart will split wide open when I see these two boys side by side. How could I have created so much beauty?

"Making the decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone

One piece of my heart I can keep close to protect and nurture, at least for a few more years. The other is about to get his driver’s license. My experience of being a mother right now is both bewildering and tender.

Don't Blink

2007-05-06T09:40:00.001-07:00

By Bill

I was at work last week and was showing a co-worker the blog. My co-worker is a mother of two boys, who are under 10 years old. She was looking at the photos of Liam, tiny as he is now, and saying “I’d give anything for my boys to be that small again – just for a few minutes.”

This statement struck me as odd, and I asked her why. For a moment, she had that faraway look and quietly said, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess it was just a special time. And then you blink and they are in school.”

Being the latest New Dad, I get a lot of advice from my coworkers and from my big family. Cherish this, enjoy that, remember this time. You’ll blink and he’ll be in college.

That one I get a lot.

I checked and in the last six weeks, I have shot about 30 minutes of video of Mr. Liam since he was born, most right after his birth. For a video guy like me, that’s not much (I’ve taken about 1,000 photos, however). So I’ve been doing more video lately, and shooting some really pedestrian stuff, like me holding Liam while he’s asleep, or while he’s fussing a bit on his own. And we finally got his really cute sneeze on tape. All are good moments.

Upon reflection, I realized why I thought my co-workers comment was odd to me. I really look at this time in his life as sort of something to “get through” until bigger moments arrive: talking, walking, and general participatory activity.

Right now, it’s basically lots of diaper changes, crying, lack of sleep (mostly for Savvy) and trying to figure out what he wants. He also has a bit of colic, so that can be a challenge as well. His quiet, playful times seem few and far apart.

Don’t get me wrong, I love having the little guy around and am so thankful he is healthy and (usually) happy.

But when out and about with him on a walk in the park, I see other parents with kids just a bit older. They are pushing them on the swing sets, giggling on the teeter-totter, and learning to play catch. Those are the days I look forward to.

However, I realize that looking forward is a trap as well, as it makes you forget about the present. A central tenet of Buddhism is to be mindful of the present, and I try to incorporate that into my busy life (although working in the news business helps).

To paraphrase Zen Master Yoda (yeah, from Star Wars): “always with you it is the future, the far horizon. Never your mind on where you are, what you are doing.” Or something like that. But that describes me sometimes, and probably most people. It is part of our consumer culture: show me the Next Big Thing.

So I am trying to focus on the present. Today is Sunday, and Liam woke up around 7:30 a.m. He was fussing and grunting, which means he has gas, so I gave him some Gripe Water with an oral syringe and that seems to help (as does farting). Then we listened to Air on my laptop on iTunes, with the visualizer on, which he loves to watch (we think it will give him mathematical superpowers).

Today, we have a few errands to run, nothing major, and later on, dinner with the folks. The future, as it were, soon to be the past. Now he is asleep, taking his morning nap. Mom is asleep as well, trying to pay down the large sleep debt. Soon enough he will be awake, hungry, with a poopy diaper and probably some gas that will make him cry and cry.

It is the present moment, and I am working to be mindful of the here and now, that which is, and not so much what will be. Soon enough, these days will be gone, never to return for Liam and his parents.

Don’t blink.

Out in the BIG big world

2007-04-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

By Savannah

Liam and I had a day out in the world yesterday.

For the most part, he has been home or out only for short visits to Nana and Pa Roberson or the grocery store. I have been feeling a bit stir crazy with little sleep or social interaction, so yesterday we decided to make a day of it. Papa was on a "season opener" motorcycle ride with his buddies to the coast till 4 p.m.

First we went to Mama/Baby yoga, taught by my dear friend Camille (www.motherwiseyoga.com). It was so fun to see other babies of Moms I met in prenatal yoga and to show off Liam. I needed the yoga! My back and neck have been pretty sore from so much holding, nursing and carrying Liam. Of course, he had a crying jag and then a blow-out poop right at the beginning of class...

He loved hearing the sounds of the other babies and once he relaxed, he was cooing back at them. I could hear him thinking, "finally she brings me around my own people!" After class, I popped him in his front pack and walked across the street to Clinton St. Cafe for a yummy sandwich.

We sat outside and enjoyed the sunny day (71 degrees!). We were visited by a tall thin man on a bike wearing a Bob Marley shirt who told me stories about his four grown kids, his eyes light and full of life, a black lab named Cleo who ate a piece of turkey that I dropped, and a friend I hadn't seen in over a year who was working nearby.

Then we drove over to Auntie Angela's new apartment.

We went for a walk around her neighborhood in the Multnomah Village area. It is hilly and it felt good to exercise! I took off my shoes and felt the hot ground under my feet. She came home with us and we had dinner (veggie pasta) and then Angela and I went out to hear my good friend Ellis Paul (www.ellispaul.com) play at Mississippi Studios. Ellis is one of the best singer/songwriters of our current times and a person of real integrity and heart.

It was my first evening and three hour stint away from Liam. I missed him but he did great with Papa and even took my milk in a bottle! I only called to check on him once...

I gained so much perspective from my day, both with and away from Liam. Sometimes staying home with a new baby can feel isolating. I was beginning to get a bit loopy. Slipping into bed with Bill and Liam that I night I felt my heart creak open a bit more and the little pulse of "home" singing in my body.

Sometimes you have to leave home to find it, right?

"New Baby, Must Sell"

2007-04-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

If you own motorbikes (or boats, or quads, or other big toys), and you troll the internet for-sale listings fantasizing about your next ride (or boat or whatever), then you’ve no doubt seen those four words or a variation on them, such as the popular “baby on the way, must sell!”

People (typically, fathers or fathers-to-be), usually sell their big-boy toys for one of four reasons: no time left to play with said toy, financial pressure, spousal pressure (“that bike/boat/quad/pool table goes, or I go!”), or strong feelings of self-preservation in the face of the new arrival.

That last one is a toughie.

On a recent sunny day, I took my beautiful 1982 Honda CBX for a short ride. The CBX is a bike I lusted after as a youngster, and several years ago, when the chance came to grab one, I sold a bike I had then and grabbed it. It’s been bliss ever since.

But the question remains: as a father, how much risk should you take? What’s reasonable, and what’s foolish? I am sure many people will condemn me or call me selfish for riding in the face of having a baby, and truth be told, I did not do any riding after last fall in order to remove one risk factor as Liam’s birth got closer. I usually ride all year round.

Billions of people around the world ride motorbikes each day, and for some, it’s their only transportation. Sometimes their very survival depends on a little Honda or Yamaha beater bike. Often, a whole family will motor around on a little bike.

But in the U.S., the typical way most people get around is in their car. Our society is built around the automobile. Motorbikes are recreational vehicles in this country. That may change when gas hits $8 a gallon, but I digress.

I did a lot of thinking about how (or if) my behavior would change with the arrival of a child. Most people get more safety conscious, and that is normal. I think I drive slower now. Maybe.

For some, there’s nothing to consider. They lead “safe lives:” they get up, drive to work, drive home, go to the gym, maybe do an outside thing like bicycle or golf, and then watch some TV. Pretty safe. And that’s fine if that’s what keeps them happy. To each his own.

But it does not work for me.

I am an adventure seeker, and a photojournalist on top of it. My idea of a good time is running with my camera towards the forest fire, not away from it. On our honeymoon, I strapped myself into a barely-airworthy powered hang glider and flew around Kauai at 40 mph, at elevations ranging from soaring 6,000 feet over Waiimea Canyon to skimming 10 feet above the ocean. Fantastic!! Ask to see the video sometime.

But still, if it is in your nature to take risks, what do you cross off the list when family obligations come to the fore? Should climbers stop climbing mountains? Should skiers swear off the slopes? Should cyclists park their bikes and start driving their cars? Should police officers turn in their badges? Should soldiers lay down arms and tell their commanders, “you know, this is just too dangerous, I’m going home.”?

As a journalist at KATU, I see some of the craziest things, especially when people get killed, and a lot of people are getting killed. I swear, we do one fatality story every day – at least. Many times, the victim was hapless: they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, just minding their own business. Then, boom: hit by a car that went up on the sidewalk where they were walking. Or run over on their bicycle on the way home from work. Or skied into a tree or ravine. Or killed in an act of violence through no fault of their own. We think we live in a safe world, and for the most part we do. But not always.

Recently, Savannah and I watched a great TV series called 'Long Way Round' . It’s a seven-part series about two guys, well-known actor Ewan McGregor (from the new Star Wars films), and his pal, lesser-known actor Charlie Boorman, and their epic 115-day adventure of riding two BMW motorcycles from London, England (they’re Brits) to New York City the ‘long way,’ through Eastern Europe, Kazakhstan, Mongolia and Siberian Russia (in the Springtime). Then they fly to Alaska and ride across much of Canada and the U.S. (which was the easy part).

Because they are quite wealthy, they take the trip on top-of-the-line BMW GS motorbikes, with every luxury and gadget, and have two support vehicles following them. They have satellite phones, unlimited budgets and a song in their heart as they begin.

Along the way, they find out that they are actually utterly unprepared and the trip nearly kills them at several points.

Both men have wives and small children. All ends happily enough, but along the way, Ewan McGregor confronts the concept of risk-taking. He says something to the effect that many people don’t take risks because of the ‘what ifs’: what if they got hurt (they did)? What if they have a major breakdown in the middle of nowhere, far from help (they do)? And so on. But it is a good question.

In the end, was the journey, and the risk involved, worth it? The answer for them was yes, without a doubt. It made them appreciate their families all the more.

Back out on my CBX, cruising along Interstate 84 into the Columbia River Gorge scenic area, I change lanes to pass a rumbling semi hauling three trailers. I click the big Honda down to fourth gear and roll on the power, and the big white motorbike shoots past the big rig in seconds. It never fails to thrill.

No car (well, no car costing less than $100,000) can match the experience. And no car – none – can match the incredible view from the cockpit of a motorbike. A good ride is a singular, even spiritual, experience. It’s why motorcycling is nearly a religion.

I dream of a time in the near future when perhaps my son will join me on such a ride, but I will not coerce him, it will be his choice. He may opt for a safe life, and think me crazy for riding motorbikes. Or he may outdo me and be the guy that installs flagpoles on the tops of skyscrapers. We shall see.

But as he grows up, I’ll continue to ride bikes, both motorized and pedal-powered, and wear my safety gear, and watch out for all the other drivers. 23 years of riding has taught me some tricks and made me aware of the dangers. I’m not invincible and I know that. I’ve made arrangements if I get hurt, or worse.

Just in case.

On Our Own

2007-04-11T14:46:00.000-07:00

Papa Bill is back at work, our doulas are gone, the lovely friends with meal deliveries have slowed and now it is just me and Liam, on our own.

We sleep off and on in the night, waking often for diapee changes, nursing and snuggling. During the day we laze on the couch and I watch Liam grow, by the minute it seems. Suddenly a newborn jumper that swallowed him at birth is almost too short for his long legs. He doesn't cry or fuss much. I listen for his cues and respond to his needs. He will grunt and bop his head when hungry. He will squirm and turn red in the face when needing to be burped. And as much as he eats, it seems his diaper needs to be changed just about anytime I can think to do it.

We can't wait till 2:45 because that is when Ella will jump up and pace and whine at the door. Papa Bill is home from work. We have been enjoying afternoon time going for walks as a family. I look forward to a few minutes to myself to fold laundry, soak in the tub or answer my email.

Somehow our days seem both long and short. Long in that we accomplish very little that is tangible; some days feel like a lazy sunday afternoon that never ends. Short in that every minute something amazing is changing within Liam and I want to notice every inch of it.

Getting to know each other

2007-04-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

By Savannah

Today is Tuesday and tomorrow will be the two week mark of our time with Liam earthside. The first two weeks are such an adjustment time. We are all just getting to know each other.

Liam is getting used to his body, all its functions and feelings, needs and development. Sometimes he seems surprised at his body, the little motions it makes jst beyond his control. He makes a noise and I can see on his face his wondering where it came from. At times it seems he has one response to everything: mouth open, little grunting sound, head bonking and rooting. He is an easily soothed baby and if bouncing on Papa doesn't work, nursing always does.

I am getting used to waking up many times a night to feed him. I am surprised at the deep sense of patience that I feel. I can sit for hours and snuggle him, nurse him, stare at the window with him. It is not my usual personality. I am a go-go on the move kind of person.So is it hormones or a miracle or just the fact that I know now how short these days are and want to relish the few moments of babyhood?

Bill moves around us like a protective force. I can feel him watching our dance together, waiting to fill a need. He feeds us, steps in to help with Liam, and watches us some more. Sometimes a Papa's place is confusing in these early days. He goes back to work next week and we will miss him. I like the look of amazement on his face as he falls in love a bit more every day.

And poor Ella. She is just plain confused. We call her "down-a-peg". She is the baby no more.

And then there is this new entity called, Our Family. We are all getting to know each other in new roles. I am seeing Bill as a Papa for the first time. I have been a Mama since we first met (of Caleb) but now I am the Mama of a baby who is very demanding of me as such. Things have changed around here...
And will continue to change, daily.

In My Time

2007-04-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

By Liam*

Today was a good day.

I slept good most of the night, except for the part where I woke up and it was real dark, and I felt a bit damp, but Mom and Dad took care of that and it only took about an hour to get back to sleep.

I think they like getting up a lot to make sure I'm OK, so I try to do it several times each night.

When I woke up in the morning I was hungry, so I stuck out my tongue and pretty soon Mommy had some breakfast for me. I felt damp again, so I had to take another trip to the special warm table where I get dry. Daddy loves to play with me at that table.

Later on, Dad set me up in my special place by the big window, where I like to watch the people, dogs, cars and clouds go by. It's one of my favorite spots. I also like to look out the window when Big Fuzzy is there. She likes to bark at the squirrels.

Later on in the morning, I went to the park with Mom, Dad, and Big Fuzzy. I'm not good at walking yet, so Dad carried me in his special shirt. I like the special shirt a lot, sometimes it puts me to sleep. The sun was shining at the park, and it was warm out.

After a little nap and a snack, Pa and Nana came over to visit. Pa held me for a while, so did Nana. They are both real nice and I like it when they visit. Pa held me under my arms until I went to sleep.

After that nap, mom said it was time for a bath. I like to take baths, the water is warm, and I can stretch out. Sometimes I get real cold when I get out of the water, though. Dad dried me off today while mom took a longer bath.

Daddy held me for a while after my bath and I looked around a lot. Daddy is real big, bigger than Mommy. I hope I'll be real big someday too.

Then Mommy played with me for a while, too. Mommy is soft and warm, and she feeds me. Daddy needs to shave and take a shower.

Sometimes I think I like Mommy better.

I hope tomorrow is as good as today was.

(*NOTE: Liam's comments have been edited for spelling and grammar)

The Big Cry

2007-03-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

By Savannah

I have been looking forward to today. My good friend and LMT Kristy came over to give me a wonderful in-home massage (as a gift). My neck and low back have been so achy since the two-day labor/birth ordeal and lack of sleep.

Kristy arrived, the boy was well fed and tucked into Papa's arms and we were upstairs to relax....
AHHHH...

Until: SCREAM!!!

Liam is howling. Despite the heater, the cd playing, the fact that we are upstairs with the door closed, I can hear him loudly crying. I can also hear Papa Bill walking, shooshing, talking to the boy in his best calming voice. I think, this will work. He will calm down and I will relax.

Kristy is an awesome therapist. She is working deeply on my sore back and I am breathing with her strokes.

But baby is still crying. Not just crying. He is hysterical. And he has never done this before.

There is something so instinctual in the mama desire to fix the crying. I knew that popping a nipple in his mouth would probably do the trick. But, I am relaxing and the boob-less Papa is caring for his son.

Bill is one of the more patient people I know. He is like a rock. I know I can always count on his calm, easy-going ways to mellow even my most fiery mood. I knew he was holding that baby, listening to him cry and trying all his soothing tricks.

And yet, I wanted to jump off the table and fix it myself.

I remembered when Caleb was a baby. He was fussy for the first three or so months and cried a lot if not with me. I called him (for many years actually) my Cling-on.

Now, he is grown. A teenager and no longer my sweet, clingy boy. This reminds me how short these days of baby-land really are. How the long nights, the moments of comfort on the couch, the little snuggled body against me will only last for a blink of the eye.

So we can make it through the crying moments and maybe even relish them a bit if we just remember they will be over soon and take with them all the sweet tenderness of baby Liam.

____________________

The Wise Old Man

2007-03-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

It was another long night Monday night as Mr. Liam again was awake and hungry through most of the wee hours. We are working to turn his sleep schedule. It can't happen soon enough for Savannah and myself.

Kimberly Beppler, a good friend, mother of two small children and professional doula, stopped by and helped out today. She is very knowledgeable about things like proper feeding position, different ways to hold the baby, and how to make humbau, an Asian bun filled with yummy veggies and cheese. I had many while in Japan. She made us over a dozen from scratch. Wow.

While Kimberly helped with laundry and did other things around the place, Savannah was able to get some sleep and I ran a few needed errands. And the humbau are divine. Thanks, Kimberly.

Later in the day, Savannah, Liam and myself drove to Core Source, where Savannah has an office but today had an appointment with Amy, her chiropractor. Having a natural childbirth is akin to being in a car accident for most women, and Savannah was helped greatly by Amy.

Liam also got a check from Amy, who is a state certified pediatric chiropractor. He didn't need anything in the way of adjustments, she just checked his hip motion and such and suggested some gentle movements to keep his development on track.

It was while we were waiting to see Amy that the following photo was taken (I always carry a camera). Babies in general sometimes go into a state called 'quiet alert,' a short span of time where they soak in their surroundings while remaining fairly still. They may do it a few times a day, but only for several minutes each time. It is a neat behavior to observe.

During quiet alert, Liam's eyes open wide (unless he's in bright light), and his hands and feet come to rest. He has strong neck muscles (our pediatrician even commented on it) and likes to look around a lot, especially at lights. If you are seated in front of him, he will stare right at you.

This young, most babies have little control over their facial expressions, and run through them moment to moment. No big smiles yet, those come later. But you still get a sampling.

We've spotted a trend of sorts. My mom, Mary Alice, said he looked "wise" when she first saw him. Since then, several other people have said the same thing. One of our more hippy friends commented that he was an old soul, back for another journey through life. He seems to have a strong sense of calm about him.

Frankly, it kind of freaks me out a bit, they way he looks at me sometimes. Liam does not yet blink much, so those dark blue eyes just kind of bore into you.

I stare right back, but I get the distinct feeling I'm the one being closely watched, not the other way around.

____________________

A couple of other photos from today:

The New Reality

2007-03-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

Liam is now nearly a week old.

It seems like he was born over a month ago. The hospital visit seems like a distant memory. Sleep deprivation will do that to you.

In just five days, his appearance has changed somewhat, as have his behaviours. He looks around a lot with those dark (kinda evil-looking!!) baby eyes, especially at night, which is when he seems to most enjoy being awake. Count Liam?

Poor Savannah is feeding the guy every 90 minutes or so. She is very short on sleep but continues to do a great job and is very patient. This morning, about 3:30 a.m., he needed another feeding and diaper change, but after that I got up and dropped him into the sling and puttered around the house until 6 a.m. so Savannah could sleep. It seemed to help, and I'll probably repeat as needed.

Lots of people told me "your life is about to totally change" or some version thereof before Liam was born, and I guess I was waiting for some kind of lightning bolt of change to hit me when he arrived, and was kind of disappointed when it didn't. I was a bit scared of it, truthfully, and a bit let down there was no sudden I've-seen-the-face-of-God moment. He was born, and there we was.

I felt guilty that I still had this constant feeling of "this will all be over soon," as if relatives were visiting or something, and Savvy and I would soon be back to movies on a whim, dinners out, free time to play with my big-boy toys and budgets that did not include things like diapers, doctors and $40 cowboy pajamas.

But nearly a week later, I can better see what people meant. We drove Liam to the pediatrician today for a checkup (all is well), and it took nearly 30 minutes to move the boy, Savannah, myself and the needed luggage (diapers, sling, etc) to the car. Holy cow! WIll it be this way each time? New systems will have to be put in place.

With the whirlwind of activity surrounding the home care of a fresh newborn who essentially will die without total support from us, the changes kind of creep up on you. I skip showers. Meals. Bike rides. Dog walks. Editing projects. Motorcycle repairs. Pretty soon, it all seems to stack up. It's all dirty diapers all the time. You just have to manage the time better. And I'm not even working right now.

Soon, I'll be back at work at KATU. I'm extremely lucky in that my shift is great: 5:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. (barring major breaking news). If that holds, I'll be able to pick up Liam after school, go to Little League and so forth while still working full time. And I still go to bed about 9:30, which is pretty normal. I'm very lucky to have a job that has given me time off (three weeks) to support Liam and Savannah, has solid health insurance and is something I love doing, news/tech junkie that I am.

So, slowly, I am beginning to see the future differently. It's not a lightning bolt of change, it's more like a change of seasons. Time management will be paramount. As Liam gets older, gets toilet trained, learns to speak, and goes to school, things will change again and again. We'll adapt as needed, panic is not required.

But for now, it's diapers and breastfeeding pretty much 24/7, with some early, early morning sessions online, checking news web sites, answering emails, and puttering around the house doing chores while Liam dozes in the sling and Savannah gets a much needed block of rest.

It's the new reality.

Happy Birthday, Savannah

2007-03-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Some quick blog notes: If you want to see a photo in a larger size (and they are easier to print), just click on it twice. Also, we have enabled comments. Feel free to leave your thoughts.

___________________________

Savannah's mother-in-law, Mary Alice, calls shortly after Liam is born and asks me what kind of cake Savannah likes. I ask Savannah what kind of cake she likes.

She looks at me quizically and asks with complete sincerity, "Why does she want to know what kind of cake I like?"

Happy Birthday, sweet Savannah, even though you had forgotten all about it.

It's Day 4 with Liam and last night was not very easy for Savannah. Her milk is not quite all the way in (I thought it was), and he can only draw a bit at a time, therefore he wants to nurse ALL THE TIME.

Tiny babies don't know what time it is, so Savannah gets no sleep. If he's not nursing, he's crying (loudly). And diapers must be changed. He has that merconium stuff for poop, and its like street tar. OK, way too much information, I know.

After one feeding session in the morning, I put Liam in a body sling and putter around the house while Savannah rests. Slings rock, doncha know. The baby is in swaddle position, can hear your heart beat and they doze off almost immediately. Your natural walking motion is highly calming. You get both hands free to do stuff. Liam is out like a light. Once he wakes up, he just likes to look around, no crying. He also likes to play pull my finger (GOOD BOY!!).

At 11 a.m., Rhonda, one of our doula's, shows up and takes the reins. I am able to run some needed errands and most importantly, Savvy is able to sleep for a while.

Doula's are great. They are professional baby wranglers and also knock out chores like laundry, dishes, food prep and minor housekeeping. They help you make the transition from two people to two and a highly needy third.

It is a luxury to be sure, but we appreciate the short window of time the doula provides for us to leave 'the bubble' and live in reality for a short time. It's worth it.

About 2 p.m., it's time for bath #1 for Liam. Daddy gets the call for the first bath. He (Liam, that is) squalls mightily as he gets in the water, but pretty soon he finds he likes it, and I splash some warm water on him after the washing duties. He likes it and splashes around happily.

Once out, the cries of bloody murder begin anew. Then he is handed off to Mom for some lunch.

Mother-in-law Mary Alice shows up with said cake and a present for Savannah. Angela is also here, and we all enjoy some cake while Liam sleeps. Doc Roberson declines the birthday party as he is suffering from a bad cold (and is probably watching some hoops on TV).

Then its time for another diaper change. For the first time, no black tar poop, just little mustard poop.

I know, I know, waaay too much information.

See you again soon.

No Place Like Home

2007-03-23T14:17:00.000-07:00

Dorothy was right: there is no place like home. After a night in the hospital, with personnel coming in at all hours to poke and prod Liam and Savannah, our first night at home with the boy is bliss.

Liam's first night in the big bed goes well. He sleeps a bit, eats a bit, poops a LOT, and then sleeps some more. He has a surprising amount of head strength and is opening his eyes a lot and looking about, and making lots of cooing and other noises that generally make you go "ahhhh, that's SOOO cuuuute."

He has had no problem finding the buffet line and Savvy's milk is in, so no worries there. His skin is a bit dry and he's got some slight diaper rash, but overall things are great.

He does not cry much and we have several secret tricks to cope with that when it happens.

Savannah says I'm the Baby Whisperer since I can almost always calm him. She can calm him too, using her 'buttons' as we call them. That ALWAYS works.

He lost a bit of weight, which is normal, but now that the chow line is open, he will begin gaining it. Back at the hospital, he scored 9 and 9 on his two checkout tests right after birth (the nurse says they never give 10s unless a child is born singing Ave Maria or can levitate), and he passed his hearing test as well.

His little eyes are working fine but like most newbies, he shies away from bright light. He loves to look at Savannah at night when we have a little electric candle on that Taunia gave us (no flame).

He is sleeping a lot today, something we want to change pretty soon (so he sleeps at night), but for now, we are letting him do his thing as he sees fit. He gets some slack this early in the game.

OK, OK, I know you all want to see more photos, so here are a bunch.

The Perilous Journey

2007-03-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

By 5 p.m. Tuesday, Savannah is very frustrated with her apparent lack of progress on the labor and has gone with no sleep for almost two days.

While she continues to have contractions, they aren’t hitting on the classic ‘three to five minute-apart’ schedule that indicates true active labor and the entrance to the home stretch, as it were.

We call the mid-wife and discuss options. She tells us to come up to OHSU for another inspection to see where we stand. Savannah is not feeling hopeful.

“Pack the stuff (three small bags and camera gear) but leave it in the car when we get there since we’ll probably be coming right back home, “ she says sullenly.

Our travel through 5:30 p.m. freeway traffic to OHSU is uneventful and at full legal speed. But we are not in any hurry. Savvy has some contractions in the car but nothing spectacular.

Once at the hospital, Savannah is again inspected and cries when she hears the news: still 95% effaced, but now she is told she is 5 to 6 centimeters dilated! It seems our luck has turned at last. I go back to the car and get the bags, and get the room set up for the second time. We call Taunia, our doula, and Angela. Both soon arrive.

Savannah is put on monitors and we watch the baby’s heart beat steadily at around 150 beats per minute, which is normal. The display also shows Savannah is having contractions, good ones, about every four minutes, like clockwork. Things seemed to be going well. About three hours pass by in this state.

At about 8:15 p.m., the room is crowded with an OB/GYN, another nurse doing prep work, a new midwife, Tina, another nurse, Sarah, myself, Angela, Taunia and what seems like three other new people, all commiserating about this and that and possible medical issues. I am feeling some stress over the number of people in the small room, but all are professionals and doing a job or talking to Savannah about something important.

Savannah’s monitor shows that she has had three contractions about a minute apart. It seems that we are finally turning another corner to get Liam moving closer to birth.

Suddenly, there is a pause.

A few seconds later, the hospital staff members explode into action, pulling wires out of the wall that were connected to Savannah’s bed, activating a small, laptop-styled ultrasound unit and talking quickly into phones and other devices, using terms like “stat,” “immediately” and “prep for surgery.”

Tina, our calm-voiced, almost elfin midwife, looks me dead in the face and says: “This is a serious emergency.”

Savannah is whisked out of the room on her rolling hospital bed and sped down the hall to an operatory. Nurses and doctors who had just been in the room planning labor in a tub and a natural birth are jumping into scrubs, putting on surgical masks and donning those purple nitrile gloves.

Another nurse I had never seen before enters the room and asks me if I have any questions. Well, yeah, where do I start?

Angela, who had just gone down the hall to get me a cup of water, walks back in the room, eyes wide, and asks me what in the world is going on. I have no answer.

A nurse takes me down a hallway from the birthing room to an empty room outside the operatory. Inside the operatory, staff members are plugging all manner of wires and tubes into Savannah, and beeping monitors surround her. Two male doctors (so far, we had only met females) are busy working on Savannah.

Tina, our midwife, finally appears, dressed in full scrubs.

“We are preparing to do an emergency C-section,” she says quickly. “The baby should be out in a few minutes. His heart rate had fallen to 60 back in the room, and we have to get him out if it does not come back up.”

She hands me a set of scrubs, including a hair net and booties. Then she goes back into the room where personnel continued to swirl around Savannah.

Another nurse appears. She tells me that if they put Savannah under using general anesthetic, I won’t be able to go into the operatory to support her. But if she gets an epidural, I will be allowed in. I put on my scrubs as fast as possible.

I get the scrubs on (hey, they fit pretty good, I remember thinking…), and wait a few minutes. Tina emerges from the operatory. The baby’s heart rate has risen to a safe level, so they are rethinking the C-section.

I wait some more, and take a self-timer photo of myself in scrubs. It turns out ridiculous.

Tina returns. She says Savannah is going to get an epidural, but the C-section is now on hold. Additionally, a small electrode will be attached to Liam’s head in-utero so they can precisely monitor his heart rate. Another internal sensor will closely monitor Savannah’s contractions. I am allowed into the operatory.

About ten people surround Savannah, but I am given a small stool to sit on near where her head is on the operating table. Trying to sit on the stool in the awkward scrubs, I promptly send it skidding into some medical equipment. “My bad” I say sheepishly as I recover the stool. Nothing appears to be broken.

Savannah is one her side and two men are working diligently to insert her epidural lines. Their demeanor suggests they are doing some sort of spinal surgery. One man is doing the insertion, while the other one looks over his shoulder. Both seem highly capable.

The guy doing the work on her back is an anesthesiology intern, and the guy overseeing the work is “Professor and Chair” of the OHSU anesthesiology department. I think we are in good hands for the epidural.

Savannah smiles at me. “Crazy, huh?” she says. I can tell in the tone of those two words that she sees the natural birth plan slipping away. I hold her hand while the activity continues. Not once does she cry.

Savannah is not nervous. She is calm, and is quickly and lucidly answering questions and responding to requests to move this way and that. Tubes seem to run from everywhere. She has a catheter (those suck AND hurt), two IV lines, an oxygen mask, blood pressure cuff, two pulse monitors and sensors taped all over the place, not to mention the epidural work going on.

Finally, the epidural is in. We have been in the operatory for what seems like three hours, but it has been about 45 minutes. There is much discussion among the staff about the next move.

Finally, a decision is made. Liam’s heart rate is back up and stable. No C-section will be done at this time. Savannah will be sent to a new room close to the operatory. The drug-free water labor option is a scratch. The top knock-out doc prides himself on his epidurals, and he isn’t kidding. After the drugs are administered, Savannah fears her body will go numb. But quite the opposite happens.

The pros at OHSU have set up the epidural levels very light so that Savannah can labor normally without much pain, but she is not numb to everything. She can easily feel the contractions coming and going. A small machine on a post regulates the dosage, with a button on a tether available to Savannah to jack it up at her discretion. She tells me to make the button go away.

The medical team also think her internal “bag of water” holding Liam is posing a hazard. Liam is floating above the cervix, and the water sac is pressing down, the opposite of what should be happening. If the water should suddenly break (which is normal), Liam’s umbilical cord could prolapse, or fall into the space under his head, and an immediate C-section would be required. A nurse pierces the bag with a tiny incision and slowly drains it. Liam’s body sinks down into the proper position. A small success. Savannah is transferred to a rolling bed and wheeled from the operatory.

Back in the room, Savannah is wired for sound, and Liam is clicking away at 150 beats per minute again, except after contractions, when he drops down to just above 100. The staff does not like this. The spectre of a C-section again appears. Tina does not seem optimistic for a natural birth.

While Savannah worked and prepared mightily for a natural birth, especially during two days of painful and sleepless labor, it suddenly appears that it is not going to happen. While that is disappointing, we both know the ultimate goal is a safe delivery for Liam, and what must be done is what must be done for his safety.

Tina brings in Kathleen, an optimistic and experienced OB/GYN. She checks over Savannah as well, including an internal exam. She has long, slender fingers. Some people are born for their jobs, I think to myself.

Kathleen says Liam’s head is acyncyclic (spelling?), meaning that instead of being lined up to drop through her birth canal, it is nodding to one side. Not good. The C-section looks ever more likely.

But Kathleen wants to try something. She does…. something. She fixes Liam’s head with those long fingers, and suddenly we seem to be back on track. Heart rate? Strong and steady. Position? Ready to move. Savannah? Holding on to hope.

Kathleen makes a suggestion. Why not try to push? Just one time, she says, to see what happens.

Savannah takes a deep breath, locks it in and pushes. Liam moves down.

Over the course of an hour, Kathleen and Tina work with Savannah with more pushing. Taunia continues to give support. Savannah changes positions a few times. I try to encourage her but I don’t think she can hear a thing I’m saying, she is not mentally in the room. With each contraction, she pushes hard four times. They are instinctual, primal and powerful movements for Savannah. Liam moves down a little more each time she pushes.

Then the top of his head appears in the gap.

I put on some surgical gloves and move down to the make the catch. Moments later, Liam’s misshapen head (a normal thing called “moulding”) pops through, and a push later he drops into my hands. He immediately cries loudly, and I hand him to Savannah. He lands on her chest, and his little hand finds her lower lip. Liam Joseph Roberson is born at 2:15 a.m., March 21, 2007, the first day of Spring, six hours after the Equinox.

There are lots of tears and hugs in the room. Liam is remarkably clean and in the pink, not the bloodied alien creature some newborns are. He only cries for a moment, then is quiet. He finds a nipple a few minutes later with no problem. My parents arrive for a short hello visit and some photos. It is nice of them to come in at 3 a.m. to support Savannah and myself.

After snuggling with mom and dad for a while, it’s time to move from the birthing room to a suite. There is a small bunk for dad, and I barely fit in it, but after this ordeal, I could sleep on rocks with no problem.

Before any rest for me (the new daddy), there is the first bath, checkup, footprints and myriad checks, probes, and a few injections to take care of. Liam tips the scales at 7 pounds, 6.6 ounces and when stretched out, is 20.5 inches long. He cries during his bath (preserved on video for future embarrassment), but zonks out afterwards when placed on the heated baby holder. Where can I buy some heat lamps?

At close to 5 a.m., we are all in the new room and I can finally rack out on my little bunk. Liam and Savannah get some quiet time together at last.

Two hours later, we are back up again to change poopy diapers, attempt feeding and comfort the little guy. Thirty-six hours later, Savannah walks through the door of our little home in Portland and Liam takes his first nap (a LONG one) in the big bed. Ella, our faithful dog, is a bit confused by all the fuss.

This will be our life for a little while. Thanks for coming along on our journey.

Pushing The Wagon

2007-03-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

Well, all the funny stories and expectations of what we hoped labor would be fell away Monday night. Now at noon on Tuesday, Savannah is closing in on 30 hours of labor, with no sleep.

Following what seemed like strong and well-paced contractions and a soak in the home tub (photo), we drove to OHSU Tuesday morning about 1:30 a.m. thinking we would be bouncing baby Liam on our knees by morning.

Not even close.

We got checked in to the hospital room and they hooked Savannah up to some electronic monitors, and everything seemed copasetic. Angela, Savannah's great friend, joined us despite the late hour.

Then, Savannah’s favorite midwife, Penny, who was there at the time, helped check her out and we got some not-so-great news: no dilation. That means the door for Mr. Liam to enter the world (at least the 'regular' door) was still closed. Disappointed, we packed up and returned home about 4:30 a.m. Angela went home as well.

Once at home, Savannah was wracked by contractions every 3 to 6 minutes and has been ever since. No chance for any sleep, and she feels she must stand most all the time, as lying in bed is too painful. She has refused any pain medication. She feels it is important to experience this uniquely female journey in all its glory - and pain. If things go awry, we will of course administer proper medical intervention. But so far, it is all going well, albeit slowly.

Our doula (a professional delivery helper), Taunia, arrived about 8:30 a.m. Tuesday and is definitely helping Savannah in myriad ways. The contractions are less painful with her guidance. She knows many more relaxing positions as well. But the contractions keep coming, and with no sleep in over a day, Savannah is very tired and her little body is fatigued. But she soldiers on like a trooper. By the way, Savannah is also a doula. But even doulas need help.

We have a saying in our home: "pushing the wagon." Whenever Savannah or myself feel tired or don't want to do something that needs to be done, we remind ourselves of the pioneers who settled this area, often traveling in covered wagons, and what they had to go through to just make it here. Very often, on some of the seemingly impossibly steep passes through the Cascade mountains (no Highway 26 back then), the pioneers families would have to get out and push the wagon to make it over the top of the pass, no matter how crappy the weather, how sick (or pregnant) they were or how dangerous it was. Some didn't make it. You have to push the wagon very hard.

Right now, Savannah is pushing the wagon very, very hard despite no sleep and great discomfort.

We want to thank everyone who has been calling and texting. Your support is very important to us. As things change, I will try to keep the blog updated. Thanks for your prayers and support.

Things Are Happening!

2007-03-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

Savannah has been having steady contractions since early in the morning Monday (but after I went to work). She had a checkup with the midwife at about 10 a.m. Our good friend Angela has been driving her around just to be safe.

The midwife had good news: it looks like Savannah is in early labor. Her contractions are steady and strong. For you ladies, the midwife says she has 90% effacement, and she had a bit of spotting as well - both good signs. No measurement on dilation yet, but we are pretty sure things are going as planned.

In order to try and shake the little fella loose, we three went on a walk to Rose City Park at about 3 p.m., and ended up parked under some trees while a small monsoon moved through the area. We had a few laughs over that. Ella joined us and had fun getting drenched while hunting for squirrels (score so far: Squirrels 357, Ella 0).

For those of you who have never seen our home, the photo is of our little red house in the woods (as we call it), since there are 10 tall trees on our little plot. It is a good house, and an old house with lots of squeaks and creaks. We both like it here.

We are planning to have Liam at Oregon Health Sciences University, better known as OHSU, and locally known as Pill Hill (because the hospital is on a hill). We will be in a birthing suite, which is a lot less clinical than a typical hospital room, with subdued lighting and such. Best of all, there is a big birthing tub in the room. Savannah's experience with other women giving birth has shown that a tub full of warm water greatly increases a woman's comfort and can speed up the process a bit. Liam will not be born IN the water, she will be out of the tub by then.

I'm sure many people are wondering if I, being a photographer/videographer, will be recording the Blessed Event as it were, and the answer is: no, I won't be. I will have other responsibilities at the time of birth that are more pressing, and Savvy and I both agree that the moment of truth is best remembered rather than preserved for posterity.

But shortly after the little guy makes his appearance, I will probably be reaching for a camera....

Watch for updates, we'll have a computer with us and OHSU has WiFi, so I'll post some photos a few hours after the big arrival!

Relaxing in the Pacific Northwest Sun

2007-03-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

(Savannah writing)

We had a lovely weekend of sun and enjoyed spending several hours soaking it in. Still waiting for Liam's arrival, as patiently as possible. We believe birth goes best when it happens by natural timing so we are relaxing and enjoying our last few moments, hours or days before the journey of birth and new baby land begins! I am a bit uncomfortable, having lots of early/pre labor. I am confident my body knows just what it is doing.

(Bill writng)

WHEN THE HECK IS THIS BABY GONNA GET HERE?? OK, just kidding, but I'd like it if he'd show up soon if only for the comfort of Savannah, who is soldiering on daily with back pain, indigestion, bladder pressure, and sleep discomforts.

Went down to the anti-war rally as a journalist today and took many photos for KATU.com. . It looked to me like 20,000 people attended. Savannah was going to attend, but opted out due to visions of having the baby in the middle of the rally.

We also visited our friends Breana and Rich today. They have a brand new baby boy, just a few days old. A good preview for me as to what's to come. They have two other small children as well. The newest arrival, via home birth, is Kiran (kear-uhn). He is a very cute little baby. Here's a photo as I was holding him:

March 17, St. Paddy's Day

2007-03-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

Savannah had a few "painful" contractions last night, but nothing major, and she slept good otherwise. It would be fun if the little guy were to arrive today, but he will come when he is ready. Savvy tells me that the due date (ours was yesterday) is pretty much a rough estimate, but said she also felt it was bit like her birthday.... except no present arrived.

We have been walking every day (Sav walks slowly with lots of rest stops) as that is supposed to get things moving along. I suggested some scary movies might work, but got vetoed on that. I'll have to watch Alien alone, again.....

The walks have been good though, and Spring is really springing over at Rose City Park, where we stroll around the golf course each evening. The pink cherry blossoms are popping on the trees, which reminds me of my March 2004 trip to Japan. I left Tokyo just as the Cherry Blossom festivites were getting serious. It is their Easter of sorts there, and they whoop it up pretty good.

Here's a photo of Sav and Ella along the path we walk each day, with Spring beginning to bloom.

Like the song says, sometimes the waiting is the hardest part.

Welcome to our blog!

2007-03-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

As you can see, we are pregnant. Yes, Savannah is doing all the heavy lifting, but it is a two-person operation to be sure. This blog was created March 15, and our due date is March 16. Personally, I'd like it if the boy arrived on St. Paddy's (March 17), but Savannah says "any time now is just fine."

On the night of the 14th, Savannah was feeling like the time had come, but following a check with the midwife at OHSU on the morning of the 15th, we are still waiting.